no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
