Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
