whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
