i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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