I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours