??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
