And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement