Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
