wakey wakey hands off snakey
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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