I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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