we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
