Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
