We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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