It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize