Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
