Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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