Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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