so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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