So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
