Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
