I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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