you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
