Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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