from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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