the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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