you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
