I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
