So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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