I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
