So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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