Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So much rum. So many feels.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
