So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
