I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
