I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
