Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
