hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
