Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
