just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
