i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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