no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
