am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
