Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
