What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
