you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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