so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
