Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
