Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
