Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
