It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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