I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
