I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
