I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They have beer where we have blood.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
