a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
