She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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