what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
