ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
