Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Soap is not a condiment
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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