check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
