Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
