I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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