I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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