so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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