she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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