i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
