You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize