hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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