3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
