'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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