i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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