at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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