just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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