Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
