i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
