He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
