Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I touched a dick in church today
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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