remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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