I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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