I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
