you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
