is your mom at the bar?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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