Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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